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tiffo60
08-21-2007, 01:57 PM
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.


Here is the glorious Winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone

waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head
wounds received from an oncoming train. when asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you

money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that

he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his
head
at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made

of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
gabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car
and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion

rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.

******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on

a Seattle Street , he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor
home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted

to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to
press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your
friends and family...unless, of course, one of these 10 individuals by
chance is a distant relative.

tiffo60
08-21-2007, 02:15 PM
Stirring Up the Wasp Nest
2007 Personal Account I work in a geology lab with very smart people, such as James, who can tell you the petrogenetic peculiarities of low-alkali tholeiitic basalt after hydrothermal alteration. But our hero James recently demonstrated that there is a significant difference between intelligence and common sense.
While casting about for ways to rid himself of a pesky wasp nest, his eye fell upon his trusty Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner. Armed with this fearsome weapon, James attacked the wasp nest. He sucked up all the wasps, who buzzed angrily as they struggled in vain against the wind-tunnel. The dustbag was soon alive with their buzzing.
James now found that he had a new problem: to wit, a vacuum cleaner bag full of live, disgruntled wasps. He had to find a way to kill them before he could safely turn off the vacuum. And while his previous idea was merely ill-considered, his next was a masterpiece of moronity. He held the vacuum tube in one hand, a can of RAID in the other, and proceeded to spray the insecticide into the vacuum. What our smart young scientist failed to remember is that aerosols are flammable, and vacuum cleaner motors generate heat. The resulting explosion removed his facial hair, and scattered the dusty, angry contents of the Dirt Devil all over the vicinity. Adding insult to injury, James was not the only one to survive with minor injuries. The wasps proceeded to vent their spleen upon the exposed (and slightly scorched) skin of the scientist, who referred to the episode as "an unfortunate lapse in calculation of consequences."

TXLIGHTNING
08-21-2007, 02:17 PM
:rll::rll::rll: Unbelievable! I sent it to a few folks :tu:.

PUMP
08-21-2007, 05:24 PM
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's
claim was approved.

This reminds me of the story of the guy who got one of his apendages caught in a pickle slicer:eek2: --with the result being that both he and the pickle slicer were fired:evil

dboat
08-21-2007, 05:57 PM
:tu::tu::rll:

Mark #2
08-21-2007, 06:14 PM
This reminds me of the story of the guy who got one of his apendages caught in a pickle slicer:eek2: --with the result being that both he and the pickle slicer were fired:evil

I had to read that 3 times before I got it.:rll: