Sixpipes
11-26-2003, 07:48 PM
Since this Friday is the busiest shopping day of the tear, I thought I'd try to help all you dads in search for the perfect Barbie for your little girls.......
Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls
for the Dallas area market:
Highland Park Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at North Park Neimans. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck, breast implants and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version of Barbie.
North Dallas Barbie:
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Oak Cliff Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about.
Preston Hollow Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up
Hummer 2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit cards and country
club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and
Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.
Mesquite Barbie:
This model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small,
a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has
big, stiff hair, a six pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free.
University Park Barbie:
This rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print beach outfit and drinks
cosmopolitans while she entertains friends at her lake house at Cedar
Creek. This doll comes with an added bonus Nanny Skipper Doll for
taking care of Barbie's invisible children whom she hardly knows. Percocet and
Xanax prescription bottles also available.
Plano Barbie:
This Barbie comes complete with a Suburban. Her highlighted hair is
shoulder length and she wears khaki pants and a matching sweater set.
Your choice of Golden Retriever or Labrador dog. Ken doll is unavailable
due to his being perpetually "at the office" or "on a business trip".
Other available accessories include: Tennis outfit and tennis racket,
Dillards charge card, Prozac Prescription Bottle and the related
Private Investigator Barbie (for checking up on Ken).
M Streets Barbie:
This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and archless feet,
sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She prefers that you
call her "Willow."
Hurst Euless Bedford Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her
beer-gutted boyfriend out of Skipper's house. Her make-up is dark red
lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in
at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted
colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top
acessories.
Mattel announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls
for the Dallas area market:
Highland Park Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at North Park Neimans. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck, breast implants and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version of Barbie.
North Dallas Barbie:
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Oak Cliff Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with tinted windows and her own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about.
Preston Hollow Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up
Hummer 2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit cards and country
club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and
Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.
Mesquite Barbie:
This model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small,
a NASCAR shirt and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has
big, stiff hair, a six pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Kenny doll's ass when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get its Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free.
University Park Barbie:
This rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print beach outfit and drinks
cosmopolitans while she entertains friends at her lake house at Cedar
Creek. This doll comes with an added bonus Nanny Skipper Doll for
taking care of Barbie's invisible children whom she hardly knows. Percocet and
Xanax prescription bottles also available.
Plano Barbie:
This Barbie comes complete with a Suburban. Her highlighted hair is
shoulder length and she wears khaki pants and a matching sweater set.
Your choice of Golden Retriever or Labrador dog. Ken doll is unavailable
due to his being perpetually "at the office" or "on a business trip".
Other available accessories include: Tennis outfit and tennis racket,
Dillards charge card, Prozac Prescription Bottle and the related
Private Investigator Barbie (for checking up on Ken).
M Streets Barbie:
This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and archless feet,
sandals with white socks, no makeup and a mutt. She prefers that you
call her "Willow."
Hurst Euless Bedford Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased her
beer-gutted boyfriend out of Skipper's house. Her make-up is dark red
lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in
at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted
colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top
acessories.