a serious question

[BS7656]

I have a problem. I just found out that a girl that im seeing is pregnant, and that she does not want to keep it. She is less than 7 weeks along and my view because of my moral background and that i was adopted and not the other option is to keep it and bite the bullet. Can yall give me sugestions on what to say to her to try to change her mind. Thanks and sorry for the subject if it is touchy for you, im just in a bind and trying to get help. Thanks again

[98Cobra]

Yikes. I dunno what to say...there are a lot of questions there....do you love her, are you ready to be a dad, etc.

But ultimately, it is her choice, whether you agree or not with what she does. Good luck in your task, man...

[gbgary]

well............you're not married, you didn't say you love her or want to marry her, and biting the bullet isn't a reason have a baby. it's her body, her life and plans that are being drasticly altered, her responsibility to raise if you don't stay together. ultimately it's her call but from where i sit i think think she's right. good luck to both of you and whatever the future holds for you...either together or apart.

[Mika]

I agree with Gary here. It ultimately is her choice. Now things would be different(I think) if you two were married, but you're not. The only thing I can say is that have you tried talking to her? Telling her where you're coming from?

It's a tough situation, and I feel for ya, but I say let her do what she wants to do.


Mika

[my2002lightning]

Brian,

Don't take this the wrong way, but do you know 100% that the fetus is yours? You mentioned that she's a girl you're "seeing". Women can certainly be crafty. :cool:

Just my $.02 .... go with your heart and gut-instinct regarding the child and your lady-friend. Explain to her that this is her flesh/blood and that she is wanting to end a viable human life. This is a baby who has done no harm in the world. :(

Remember, adoption is always an option. Good luck.

Ronald

[PoorSvtman]

Man this is a tuff call.... How old are you all? Finacaly stable enough? There are many options.

I feel you bro. I would want to keep it as well. My back ground is smiliar to yours in a way. Like you,Id want to give the child the life and to make sure it never has to go through what I had to go through.

If you want to chat bro and you have any of the msn, aim yahoo messangers let me know I have them all. I dont know you well but if you need to get out and have a beer or something let me know. Im a stones throw away. Right off 287 and sublett behind the gas station. :tu:

[Wht95Lightning]

But ultimately, it is her choice, whether you agree or not with what she does. I'm going to agree with this as well. It's a tough choice but it's hers to make.

[L8 APEX]

There is a good country song about this by Kenny Chesney "There Goes my Life". Of course life often isn't as good as the music video. I have a realistic/negative view on things in general;) . I appreciate a woman who can tell the differnence between wanting a kid and responsible population control. We don't want to end up like China. I don't have good views of kids growing up through the courts and adoption system. It could go very bad in serveral ways.
1) It may not be yours period, check it before you pay any support.
2) Abortions are cheaper than 18 years of child support.
3) Support whatever move she chooses this is hard enough without more judgement.
The relationship probably won't survive the course given your wording above. Take this lesson and keep it close next time you're shoplifting the bootie. These situations can be easily avoided:hammer: . Some folks can take an oppsy baby and make a happy family out of it. But I don't think that is the rule, more the exception. That is my .02

[SILVER2000SVT]

Like Gary said:
...Ultimately it's her call...
However I whole heartedly disagree with the decision for an abortion. My view is that abortion is only an option for only the most extreme situations such as rape or incest. This baby has just as much right to live as you or me. If you don't want the baby give it up for adoption.

Terry has a point about growing up through the courts and adoption system be negative, however I think that this only applies to older children. Adoption agencys are extremely picky about who they allow to have new born children. I believe that adopted children that are adopted as infants will often be raised better than the average child because the adopted parents planned for the child and spent several years in the adoption process before they can get a new born.

You should try and talk to her. You and her both need to find some people to talk to that you trust and respect that can give you advice. Parents, Grandparents, Aunt, Uncles, Preacher? Best of luck to you both....Jason

[00Bolt]

i was in a similar situation as you when I was 21. I was dating a girl for about 6-8 months and she got pregnat. First thing she did was grab a phone book and started to call around for abortion. I was 21, was having the time of my life partying, chicks, money, etc and things couldnt get better (so it seemed)... it would have been VERY easy to just get abortion and move on with my life, but I just couldnt do that... we kept the baby and eventually got married... 5 years later here I am... my SON (not just an embryo) just turned 5 and started kindegarden on Monday... and wife is now expecting a girl in November... if i could do it all over again, i wouldnt change a thing!! you will not regret it. i think the 2 of you need to sit down and talk it out seriously.... its her body, blah blah but its only 9 months of her life and a few stretch marks.... who cares its a person's life we are talking about... if she really doesnt want the baby after that, she can give up for adoption

[98Cobra]

I think we need to all be careful about turning this into a "is abortion wrong" argument, he is just asking for a little advice on what to say to her. We all have our own views, and to say this is a polarizing issue is an understatement in the least.

Never thought I would see this topic on TALON...!

[tiffo60]

all i know is my girlfriend got pregnant when I was 18 had the kid when I was 19 and she mentioned an abortion and even though it sounded tempting at the time now that I look back I am glad I didnt let her do it, even though we recently divorced( @22) and it sucks in the worst way, every time i get my little girl and see that beautiful smile on her face it makes all my problems go away, hope this will help,

Tifton

[00Bolt]

I think we need to all be careful about turning this into a "is abortion wrong" argument

well it IS wrong

[98Cobra]

well it IS wrong

Nice. :rolleyes:

[Moonshine]

I think we need to all be careful about turning this into a "is abortion wrong" argument, he is just asking for a little advice on what to say to her. We all have our own views, and to say this is a polarizing issue is an understatement in the least.

Ditto. :tu:


As for the original question, it's apparent that you two didn't discuss the possibility of pregnancy and what you'd do, before the fact. Consequently, I don't think you ought to say anything to try and change her mind. My .02

[Avalanche]

I would agree with Moonshine on this.

I also have a simialr story as yours, however let me tell you what the courts will say. I know this becuase I went through it with my birth father after I found him. The man willingly gave his seed to the woman and therefore relenquished all rights to said seed and the child that has come from it. This is if the woman does not want the father envolved in the childs life. Also it is the womans decission to do what she feels is right you can try to fight it but the courts will always side with the mother in the case of the unwed couple.

I would suggest sitting down and having an adult conversation with her and tell her how you feel and she how she feels and then way every single one of the pros and cons and then make a decission. The only thing you can do if you really want to keep the child pray.

This is just my .02 and I am not trying to pass judgement on anyone here even though I have my own opinion but you did not ask that.

Brent

[Silver_2000]

Ditto. :tu:


As for the original question, it's apparent that you two didn't discuss the possibility of pregnancy and what you'd do, before the fact. Consequently, I don't think you ought to say anything to try and change her mind. My .02

Moonshine sums it up pefectly :tu: :tu:

[Silver_2000]

As Garrett warned this is a sensitive issue. No matter what some think, there are no black and white answers - just OPINIONS and BELIEFS. Everyone is entitled to BOTH. BUT this may not be the right place to discuss them and it certainly isnt the right place to force your OPINIONS and BELIEFS on the rest of us.

I will nuke the entire thread before it gets out of hand if it heads that way...
Have a nice day
Doug

[SILVER2000SVT]

Lets take a step back and look at what he is asking. His view is that she shouldn't get an abortion. He didn't ask whether he should or should not talk to her, he just asked what he should say to convince her. This is a very emotional issue with people and everybody wants to put in their $.02, (me included), but there are a few good answers to his question among all the extra stuff we threw in. Hopefully we can focus on those, here are some examples:

I mentioned the benefits of adoption if they don't want to keep it. Scott and Tifton shared their stories on how they were considering the option but are glad they chose not to have an abortion. Scott said "it's only 9 months and some stretch marks". Brent said "pray".

[Beaudee]

Geese i will take it back,no offense :eek2:

[Showtime]

.

[BC Lightning]

I didn't know Talon turned into Jerry Springer.Are you sure its yours?Deff. need to be more responsible!!Shame on you!!http://www.trojancondoms.com/


WTF Beau!! who are you to tell Brian to be more responsible and say "Shame on you" and insult him by saying that something that concerns him is classified as Jerry Springer material. This is just another reason why i dont even read any of the mostly retarded threads started by you, because most of them dont have anything of any importance to say...just like your post on this matter which means the world to a fellow Talon member............We here at Talon are not all like Beau.

:banned :banned I agree with Kenny. That was uncalled for.


I'm not going to share my opinions and beliefs and definately not pass judgement on someone else, because no matter what someone will have their own opinion and disagree with mine. There are things he should have thought about and talked about before the fact, but he didn't and there is no changing it.

Scott and Tifton have experienced this and seen good come out of it, others aren't so lucky. Everything has a reason and it always works out, but sometimes not how we want it to or how it could benefit us

Talk to her and try and work it out, pray about whatever decision you both make, I will keep you in my prayers as will other TALON members

[PoorSvtman]

I didn't know Talon turned into Jerry Springer.Are you sure its yours?Deff. need to be more responsible!!Shame on you!!http://www.trojancondoms.com/


maybe he did wear protection but it broke, ever think about that? Man that comment was uncalled for. :Bullshit

[Beaudee]

WTF Beau!! who are you to tell Brian to be more responsible and say "Shame on you" and insult him by saying that something that concerns him is classified as Jerry Springer material. This is just another reason why i dont even read any of the mostly retarded threads started by you, because most of them dont have anything of any importance to say...just like your post on this matter which means the world to a fellow Talon member. Everyone on here is entitled to their own opinion but what you wrote is not an opinion and is just straight up wrong. Like you have never done the deed without protection, Brian and his girlfriend did what they did and now their is no turning back. Brian I dont have much to say in your personal matters because everyone handles these things different. All i can say is do what you believe in and if your girl makes a choice that you dont agree with move on from their and go with the flow..Good luck and remember anytime you post something of this nature on the internet you are always going to have someone with no class talk some trash. We here at Talon are not all like Beau.You got class Look @ your avatar!Yaa i might have been harsh :evil I aplogize!! :hammer:

[Beaudee]

I am gona give you my retarded opinion.First this kind of post is open to all kinds of opinions on touchy subjects.2 it is nice to know if its possibly not your child.3 i am against abortion. 4 he was irresponsable and her too,although accidents can happen,and everyone in prison is inocent too.I should not have responded to this post but i did.The fact of the matter is she has the upper hand.I wish you all the best of luck.I have seen this situation ruin lives and make them.Good luck!!!!!Work it out!!!

[PoorSvtman]

I am gona give you my retarded opinion.First this kind of post is open to all kinds of opinions on touchy subjects.2 it is nice to know if its possibly not your child.3 i am against abortion. 4 he was irresponsable and her too,although accidents can happen,and everyone in prison is inocent too.I should not have responded to this post but i did.The fact of the matter is she has the upper hand.I wish you all the best of luck.I have seen this situation ruin lives and make them.Good luck!!!!!Work it out!!!


Please just shut up..... an avatar is not even close to you calling someones life a jerry springer show :Bullshit ... I see this getting locked real fast.



4 he was irresponsable and her too,although accidents can happen

WTF how is he irresponsable... Its pretty clear he is wanting to do the right thing and take care of the child than run away and leave it. He is taking full responsibitly for his actions. Im with showtime on this, your posts are retarded. :rolleyes:

[BS7656]

Thanks for the inmput i will not let yall know of the outcome and im not going to say what my feelings are about the decision going to made but i do want say thank you for all of your own " .02" . Thanks again for the support.

[QDRHRSE]

This way too deep for a forum like this. My opinion is this:

People seem to manage to have kids with no money. The thing that kids can't live without is love and security. If you and this girl have no plans to be together and you can't afford it either....let her do what she wants. It's better off that way. Bringing an innocent child, who has no choice, into a $hitty life, a broken, fragmented, and disfunctional family is morally worse than the abortion. There's a lot more to it but that's the jist of it....this kind of stuff makes me sad. Everything about it is ugly.